It’s the middle of the night... It’s the middle of many nights. It’s the middle of a lifetimes worth of grief. The tears from the physical ache take my breathe away, the waking up to realise you’re still not home. I am seriously struggling. How can I or any of us ever come to terms with what’s happened? I physically can’t stop the pain. I can’t stop any of it, I know how let down you felt because I feel it. Every day. I have to carry that and know life is serving me up lessons left right and centre. I love you so much I’m not sure where to put it and all this aimless love is just accumulating in my chest, in my eyes, in my throat... It’s gathering up in my brain and spilling out everywhere and anywhere. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t stop crying. Keep my friend safe and give him as much love as you gave me, he’ll know who I learnt from. I don’t ever wanna be this far away from you again my angel. You’re a beautiful star, you were my light Né, now there’s only darkness. Help us all through. But nothing will help the same as having you here. Wrap your arms around me and fly me away when the day comes because that is all I want right now. Your arms around me. I miss you more than you can ever imagine. The pain of that is becoming unbearable. X