I love you pie. Im missing you like crazy and i don't know how or what i'm supposed to do with these feelings. Everything's not as it should be and i don't feel ok and i'm not sure how i'm supposed to ever feel ok. In the 3 years since you've been gone we've been dragged through hell and back. People we thought were our friends we don't hear from, i've never heard so much bullshit from so many people and I don't think I've been treated as badly as I have over the last 3 years for a long time. I'm doing my best pie, i'm doing what i can to make this into a positive and yet consistently things are reinforced. I'm tired pie, I'm tired of feeling this every day and putting a smile on it. I'm tired of bullshit, lies, being let down, being used and not getting to see my baby. More than anything i just want to see you, your beautiful face, your smile, hear your voice, your laugh.......i need a cuddle with my baby.