It just goes on and on and on... Where are you baby girl? Are you happy? Safe? Ok? Contented? I know the answers but I need the proof. Why do I still need the proof? Bittersweet memories haunt my dreams and I wake up out of the lucidity of it all, and the consciousness of the day hits... It’s like reality is the fucking nightmare and sleeping is the only escape. I miss you so, so much sis. We all do. I’d kill a man with my bare hands just to listen to you “PAHA” or your squeals of excitement when you were happy or asking me to peel a banana for your baby boy. Trivial shit. But so precious now, and always should have been. A lesson I have now learnt, a lesson I needed to learn. We all needed to learn. And yet the whole world still needs to learn, everyone’s so ignorant and careless. The magnitude of suffering I witness every day of my life is astonishing and I hope you see the strength I try to display in aim of a better life for us. I do that shit for our kids... I do that shit for you. Experience all I can and do the shit you wanted to do together. The shit we always said we would. I cry as I write this because you should get to enjoy this part, you should be here coming/glowing up too, feeling the inner growth you felt in small doses when you were here, smiling more, freeing yourself of the stresses that held onto you. You would’ve been schooling me in this stuff I’m telling you. Spirituality 101 with Né and Rose. We’d be meditating, sun gazing in the garden at mine while the kids ran around. I’m so sorry sis cause the biggest mistake of my life was failing you, and ultimately letting you down and not keeping you safe like you did me. Be with mama, be with your boy like you always are. And if you find time, drop by and see me too... I know when you’re there and can only smile, the meetings may not be in this realm of consciousness but I can still feel you there. We love you Auntie Né Né. Everybody loves you. Nothing is gonna change that now, a legend that I was so fortunate to ever have had a connection with. I miss you every single day of my life, I will for the rest of it and I don’t think I’ll ever accept that fact. Love you sis. D.M.D.B forever and ever. ❤️