It comes without warning. The replaying of today and tomorrow, 6 years ago, over and over again in my mind. The frustration and worry of not being able to speak with you, your last words haunt my ears. knocking on your door, frantically, your little boy hiding behind me waiting to jump out on you when you opened the door. Except you didn’t. I’ve tried to put the what ifs and if only a in a safe place in my mind because I’m crippled by my sadness, my mistakes….I spent so long trying to save you from your thoughts that kept you hostage, so long loving and investing in you, so long being proud of who you were, my sidekick, my team mate, my life. There is nothing but a huge abyss that surrounds me in place of where you once were. A whole lot of time empty time and silence fills your absence. You were never a burden, you were an amazing mum, daughter, granddaughter, friend and because of those who treated you so poorly, caused you pain and unending hurt, made you doubt yourself, because of those who failed to support you despite them being paid to do so, because of them, you felt we’d all be better off without you. You were wrong. So very wrong. Missing you is woven into the fabric of my life. It is with me every day. From the moment I wake to the moment I sleep. Still. 6 years on. I carry it, along with my grief, along with my love for you. You were, are and always will be the meaning and purpose of my life. I love you more than all the stars in the universe, to the moon and back, forever 💔