What is do to see your face, to hear your voice to be making plans id even even take you losing your shit at me over existing without you. Adjusting to life without you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I’m nowhere near a place that resembles that. I still see your face from our last goodbye. Still hear your voice from our last ‘chat’. I remember everything from your last day on this planet so crystal clear and I still run through the what ifs and if onlys. I know you’re by my side all the time but I don’t feel or hear you like I did in that first year. I wait for dreams of you but they don’t come. The abyss has a thin veil of fabric connecting me to the world but I still feel so lonely and shattered without you. I remember our good times and how life was with you in it, the hopes and dreams for your future, the fight to keep you safe and alive and all I come back to is I failed. I failed to protect the one person in this world that meant more to me than anything I have ever had. I don’t know how to be ok without you. I don’t know where to put this love and longing for you that I hold. I don’t know how to ever be ok again. What I would do just to hug you and tell you I love you one last time 💔