Noodles this is the first time I've written anything... I miss you girl i miss your face your smile your sense of humour your reassurance your motherly instinct you had even when we were so small and your heart of gold. I've never been a writer or even a sayer for that matter I've always bottled thinks up and never said a lot that's probably why I always sat with the adults and never played because they did all the talking over a few bottles of wine and I was always the ears reporting back to you. Why i would want to be like that then I can't understand because I hate being a adult with all these upsets and emotions. I'm trying to be more like you and express my feeling in words because I'm utterly crap and expressing them in any other way. I wish you were hear talking to me relating to my thoughts about day to day life and reminiscing about old times and how we thought we were so hard done by but in fact had it all. It was your birthday 16 days ago, I didn't forget but struggled to get my head around the fact I remembered because honestly was so hard mainly because of the crazy outrageous memories I had flying through my head at one time I don't think I ever really saw you on your birthday day often intact probably not for 18 years because I was always in wales and you were always off gallivanting but we always relived it and had the best days when we were together. I keep reading my 21st birthday card which you never gave me but the thought was there haha☺️ your mum gave it me a little while agonnow and my god isn't it a essay... I didn't expect anything less you had a memory like no other which in some respect was amazing because you even stated in my card what I was wearing on your 7th birthday and how we would compare every last thing, although this also meant you remember every last upset and petty argument haha. It shouldn't be like this now this wasn't our plan this wasn't our dream. We wanted to conquer the world and not let anyone get in our way because there was only one Bex and Ne! I think about you everyday and always will because every good thing and bad things that happens you would always be there talking me through and telling me how I was feeling before I even knew myself. I've not been good with all these goodbyes In fact I've been horrendous a blubbering mess at most opportunities,But we never have been I remember leaving yours most evening on my bike when you lived at lapwing close and tears use to roll down your face even though we would see each other at school the next day! I still have your quote from Peter Pan you sent me: "Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting" Your my star noodle pie and I'm going to stay strong for you! I love you squish xoxoxo