As 4 years without you approaches I’m not sure what I’m supposed to take from it. The stuff I’ve encountered since then, the way people and organisations have behaved, things they’ve said, it’s like I’m not actually allowed to feel grief, loss and sadness. Your death has hammered that home loud and clear. And 4 years on, well I should just be over it shouldn’t I? I struggle with this life, this world and the humans in it. I’m tired of being on the outside looking in never quite belonging. I’m tired of the one way streets and loneliness. I’m tired of people telling me what I feel, how I am and what I should do....I could carry it all when you were here, for you were the point of it all. 4 years on and no ones learnt shit. I love you pie...xxxxxx